For as long as I can remember I always felt lost in life. I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. I never really knew how to fit in or be “normal”. I never knew what I wanted to do when I “grew up”. I just felt lost. I couldn’t imagine myself being a mother or a wife or having a career. I just thought I would die before any of that happened or I would be on drugs forever working at Mc Donalds. I literally had no idea what the fuck I was doing. I always had this feeling like life had no real purpose. People always fight over God or Science or whatever other theories there are surrounding life and it’s meaning, but, deep down I always believed that all of this is just coincidental and none of it matters. For years I held onto this feeling and it had me spiraling into a deep depression which ultimately landed me into my addiction. I used drugs for many reasons and those reasons don’t even matter anymore…what matters is that I became an addict and my life has forever been changed because of it.
Being in recovery has led me to an understanding and belief that there is more to life that just coincidence. I don’t know what that meaning or purpose is…but, I believe there is more. Being in recovery helped me find my passion and my purpose. I know in my heart that I belong working in this field. I could never do anything other than this. Every single day I think of ways I can help, things I can do…whether its raise awareness or work directly with addicts, I want to do it all. I care so deeply about this. Recovery works and it is an amazing thing to be in…to finally understand myself and know who I am and know my worth…and to know I have love and understanding and compassion to offer those who need it the most. I have found my place. I have found my path. I can get very emotional sometimes (OK more like A LOT of times) when I think about how I may have never known my purpose or known my potential had I not gotten into recovery. I hate to think of all the people out there who may never know their worth due to their addiction. All I want to do for the rest of my life is help those who need it. I want to be there for anyone who feels alone or lost. Recovery works and I am proof of that.